This is an example of a scam email a friend just received:

The Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) is the principal investigative arm of the United States Department of Justice (DOJ)*. Title 28, United States Code (US Code), Section 533, which authorizes the Attorney General to “appoint officials to detect .crimes against the United States,” and other Federal statutes give the FBI the authority and responsibility to investigate specific crimes. At present, the FBI has investigated the jurisdiction over violations of more than 200 categories of Federal crimes.

28 USC 533, does give the AG power to appoint persons involved in criminal justice.  But the last sentence is interesting: Jurisdiction over a violation would mean something such as determining which governmental body had authority. I think the scammer meant they have investigated crimes in 200 jurisdictions.  The English is troubled — but it will get worse.

The FBI Criminal Justice Information Services ( CJIS) and National Central Bureau (NCB) is part of the National Crime Agency (NCA), a powerful body of operational crime fighters with the responsibility of leading the AMERICA fight to cut serious and organized crime.

I’m not going to take the time to figure out the operational structure of the Department of Justice. What I do note is that the author of this email is not a native English speaker from the United States. First “crime fighters” is a phrase only used in cartoons. An “operational crime fighter” sounds like a robot in a cartoon (as opposed an inoperable crime fighter?) Next, rather than use the adjective “American”, the writer used the noun “America”.  Next, I found the phrase “cut … crime” odd. So I looked up the National Crime Agency — which I learned does exist in the United Kingdom.  The phrase “cut serious and organized crime” is the tag line for the web page for National Crime Agency

But I bit on the National Crime Agency

The NCA addresses national threats and incorporates the functions of numerous former USA organizations, agencies and units in order to:

Now that is fascinating: The United Kingdom’s NCA has taken over for various American “agencies and units”. As an American, I would like to say thank you to the people of the United Kingdom for their generous acts in investigating and “cutting” crime in the United States.  Yet, as I continue one and learn what I am getting from the NCA, I begin to wonder if it is really that helpful:

The Tacra serious and organized crime;
Strengthen USA borders;
Fight fraud and cyber crime;
Protect children,Women and young people of US Citizens.

The NCA also provides a range of support services to police forces and law enforcement agencies across the country, including the services Provided by FBI.

Do I want the NCA “Tacra” anything? How does one “Tacra?” Is it safe? So I looked it up and found this “https://twitter.com/TACRA_Canada”. If this is the same Tacra, then apparently the Canadian Veterans Review and Appeals Board is also protecting the United States. Thanks Canadian friends!

FBI vision and mission: To equip our law enforcement, national security, and intelligence community partners with the criminal justice information they need to protect the United States while preserving civil liberties. It fights international crime through the coordination and provision of specialist support to investigations and Uses FBI channels to build effective partnerships between the AMERICA police forces and law sanctions agencies worldwide.

Some more rah-rah for the FBI. I am glad to learn that the FBI “uses FBI channels” (whatever they are). And again, the use of the nominative “America” where the adjective “American” would have been proper.

Here is the key graph:

According to my findings after proper investigation i have noticed through our Intelligent network platform that you are currently involved in a transaction coming in as Lotto winning, contract payment/Inheritance including coming in Trunk Box and they have diverted a huge amount of money which is On transit now in USA as it will interest you to know that the FBI have fully intercepted the box and the Diplomat with his agents have been arrested as we are still working on getting all of them apprehended. Some will tell you to forget about the FBI , but you as An American Citizens knows the right thing to do. Only the FBI will help you Legally. Please stop all your communication with anybody including your fake husband.

Some notes: After hearing all about how Canadian Veterans and British police are protecting the Untied States by using the FBI, this guy (whoever the “i” is) has been paying attention to my bank accounts. In addition, I either won the Lotto, am getting some money under a contract or by inheritance.

What is especially wonderful is that I am being paid via “Trunk Box”. So, my Lotto winnings (which is truly a windfall because I don’t buy tickets).  Unfortunately, “they diverted” my trunk box full of cash. But — I guess this is good– the FBI has intercepted the diverted trunk box.

Now the story gets really interesting, there was a “diplomat with “agents” who were somehow involved in my trunk box full of cash. I don’t know if they were the ones who diverted it. Again in a stroke of good luck, the diplomat and his agents have been arrested — except for the one’s who have not been arrested, but the guy who has been monitoring my trunk box of cash will “apprehend” the rest of them.

At this point, I will have demurrer: It is wildly improbable there is a trunk box full of Lotto cash coming to me (albeit currently in FBI possession); and yet, it is not impossible (in the strict sense). I must absolutely deny that anyone has ever told me to “forget about the FBI”. Never happened.

Then there is another ungrammatical sentence, “An American Citizens knows the right thing to do”. We citizens does knows. But I don’t think I can really affirm this sentence,” Only the FBI will help you Legally.” I have received legal help all through out my life. In fact, if I ask the FBI to help me do yard work this weekend, I strongly suspect they will not provide me help.

And, here is another thing I can’t do, “Please stop all your communication with anybody including your fake husband.” All communication with everyone? And what will my wife think we she hears about my fake husband? It was one thing to know about my trunk box full of lotto cash, it is another thing to break up my relationship with my fake husband.

And now we get to the whole point of this email:

For the FBI to work effectively, you are to list to us the total amount you have spend so far as the FBI will open up a file in your name and process the entire Legal release Documentation in your name and address as the sole true beneficiary.

You are to reconfirm to the FBI the following details ( mailtnow@tutanota.com )

Your Full Name:
Current Address:
Occupation:
Place of work and Position:
Age:
House Phone:
Amount paid:
The amount you are expecting In The Box:

Maybe I’m a little too cautious, but I am not certain that the FBI has subcontracted its investigation to this guy using a German encrypted email site. Something sounds fishy about that.

But then again, he did sign the letter “sincerely” — and who am I to disbelieve him?

All these details will go a long way in assisting the FBI with our investigation as well to protect you.

Help us to serve you better.

Yours Sincerely,

Detective Chris Smith