Category Archives: Ministry

Addressing Loneliness

16 Thursday Mar 2023

Posted by in Biblical Counseling, Psychology

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I just finished a paper written by some PhD’s at the University of Essex entitled, “Understanding Loneliness: a Systematic Review of the Impact of Social Prescribing Initiatives on Loneliness.”

The authors make a helpful distinction between loneliness and isolation:

“Loneliness is a subjective, unwelcome feeling of lack or loss of companionship that occurs when there is a mismatch between the quantity and quality of social relationships that a person has, and those that that person wants.Though often associated with isolation, loneliness is distinct in that it is a feeling, while isolation is an objective measure of the number and quality of contacts that one has. Thus, it is possible to be lonely while surrounded by others, or to have very few social contacts but not feel lonely.”

Loneliness is thus a perception of the quality of my social interactions. I recall other reading which placed the important element of social contact on being able to share one’s difficulties — I imagine sharing one’s joys would also be relevant. What matters here is that loneliness is a factor of how I understand my relationships.

The paper went onto look at studies which had sought to address loneliness as a public health issue. Various interventions were examined whereby social workers of some sort sought to help lonely people find someone else with whom they could have companionship.

The “Aim” of one of the studies reads as follows, “Aim: Connecting people, helping them find purpose in their lives.”

It does make me wonder, what sort of world have we created for ourselves, when we have to train people to go out and try to get other people to feel lonely and to have a sense of purpose. If you had spoken to the dirt-poor ancestors of these people of England from 300 years before and said you were there to help not feel lonely and to have purpose, I suppose they would have thought you daft. What do you mean lonely? What do you mean purpose? We have far more stuff and apparently far less meaning.

We see people who have a frankly religious fury over things such as responding to the climate, which in the end is really an engineering problem (If rain patterns change, how do we move water to where it is needed); or a religious passion over identities which would have been non-existent just a few years ago. Perhaps it would be best to understand what we see as people eeking out a new religion for themselves. They are prescribing and demanding rites and responses to answer their loneliness and meaning.

These are functions which would have been performed

Identifying Issues in Counseling Difficult Cases.1

17 Friday Feb 2023

Posted by in Biblical Counseling

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Below I have posted some preliminary notes for my graduate students in biblical counseling (the course on Counseling and the Law). Even though we have a book now on the subject, it does not come close to exhausting all ways in which legal issues will interact with counseling in the church. The notes below are for the purpose identifying places in which one can err in responding to allegations of abuse (again, this not an exhaustive list of places where one may misstep):

Evidence: What happened? It is far more difficult to obtain an accurate understanding of the events of someone else’s life and conflict than is commonly believed.  Just as a matter of illustration: The bedrock of legal work is the question of evidence. To that end, the law has created a very complex series of rules developed over hundreds of years to evaluate the reliability of types of evidence and the purposes to which potential evidence can be used. The law school course to introduce one to the subject of evidence is one year long. That does not exhaust the question, it merely introduces the topic. However, counselors, pastors, internet pundits, and those who merely wish to voice an opinion are unshakably committed to determinations which may be fundamentally defective.

Interpretation of Evidence: Once we obtain a bag of facts, we must make sense of that information.  For instance, some tells you X on day one, Y on day two, and the X variant one on day three. Is this evidence of lying, of confusion, of increasing honesty? Is evidence of anger proof of malice or fear? Is torment and sorrow one experiences the result of a physical malady, unrepentant sin, the pain of being harmed by another, some combination of three or otherwise? When faced with apparent repentance, is it real? Has there been a change, or are the tears merely a manipulative ploy?

Ambiguity of terms: The word “abuse” is notorious vague and rhetorically charged. The word gets used to describe horrific evil conduct and the unfortunate and seemingly unavoidable difficulties which will exist between human beings. A word that can refer to a savage beating, and an occasional improvident word creates a basis for substantial trouble.

If we have obtained a perfect understanding of history and causes for a conflict in another person’s life, we have only come to the door of how to respond thereto. Since I am writing as a biblical counselor, my primary concern will be a biblical response. It seems to me there are a minimum of three principles which must be considered and balanced.

The importance of marriage: The Bible places a far higher premium on the maintenance of marriage than is common within our culture and even than is common within our churches.

The doctrine of suffering: The Bible does not consider suffering, even profound physical suffering to be the worst possible outcome. We are expected to prefer loyalty to Christ over suffering even death. We rightly esteem martyrs who made the choice to suffer torment and death over disloyalty to Christ. Christ suffered unspeakable horror rather than sin. In our personal lives we may find ourselves in positions where we suffer greatly. Since this proposition seems contrary to our presuppositions about life, I will provide one quotation to prove the point:

18 Servants, be subject to your masters with all respect, not only to the good and gentle but also to the unjust. 19 For this is a gracious thing, when, mindful of God, one endures sorrows while suffering unjustly. 20 For what credit is it if, when you sin and are beaten for it, you endure? But if when you do good and suffer for it you endure, this is a gracious thing in the sight of God. 21 For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps. 22 He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. 23 When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly. 24 He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed. 25 For you were straying like sheep but have now returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.

1 Peter 2:18–25 (ESV)

The duty to alleviate the suffering of others and to protect the weak and vulnerable: The fact that we may be called upon to suffer unjustly does not mean that we have the right to permit others to suffer unjustly when lies within our power to alleviate the suffering of others. Christians have been noted for our care for alleviating suffering where possible, and not just because the person who suffers is friend, family, or fellow Christian. Both the history of the Church and the breadth of Scripture make this proposition unquestionable. Lest this point be overlooked:

41 “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42 For I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me no drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not welcome me, naked and you did not clothe me, sick and in prison and you did not visit me.’ 44 Then they also will answer, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not minister to you?’ 45 Then he will answer them, saying, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.’

Matthew 25:41–45 (ESV)

This certainly does not exhaust the issues which may arise when considering how to respond to a situation of potential abuse. And, when we are attempting to understand the conduct and response of others who have responded to allegations (whether true or false) of abuse, the difficulties are compounded. Indeed, when we see another injured by the response of a church, we may have a responsibility to respond thereto.  If one pastor learns that another pastor has misused pastoral authority in a manner which fails to uphold the totality of biblical direction, it is morally incumbent to seek to stop the injury.

A plea: These matters are so very difficult, even the best intentioned and most experienced persons will fail. We are by definition limited beings with limited wisdom. When we fail, we must seek to restore, to undo, to correct. The absolutists of all stripes who believe themselves to necessarily be right bring along their own sort of injury:

8 Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. 9 Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing.

1 Peter 3:8–9 (ESV)

Getting It Wrong.1

10 Friday Feb 2023

Posted by in Biblical Counseling, Ministry

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Text

Genesis 3:1–7 (ESV)

3 Now the serpent was more crafty than any other beast of the field that the Lord God had made.

He said to the woman, “Did God actually say, ‘You shall not eat of any tree in the garden’?” 2 And the woman said to the serpent, “We may eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden, 3 but God said, ‘You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the midst of the garden, neither shall you touch it, lest you die.’ ” 4 But the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. 5 For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” 6 So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate. 7 Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths.

I have noticed that a far too common problem in pastoral counseling grows out a failure to (1) properly evaluate the truthfulness of factual assertions, and/or (2) properly interpret the evidence they have ascertained. This can result in a counselor doing and saying this from ignorance which results in situations they would never have permitted if it took place before them.

The inability and failure of human beings in respect to knowing the truth and evaluating the truth is a common theme throughout the Bible. The short story of the Fall so rich in other observations, also helps us with the present issue of knowledge and interpretation.

First, the reporter upon whom Eve relied is told to be “subtle” or “crafty”. When our evidence comes from an unreliable narrator, we are in danger of making an error.  Eve does not know that the Serpent was crafty. But we often do not know how to rightly evaluate those from whom we gain information. (I assume we cannot fault Eve for speaking with a snake.)

When we speak with someone, we should hold our opinions as to their ability and truthfulness lightly. We may need to change our conclusions and must be willing to do so. Rarely does someone who will cause us to error either intentionally or negligently announce their defect. Con men do not begin with “I’m going to lie to you.” Nor do people who make mistakes start off with “You shouldn’t trust me.” In the case of negligence, the person may actually think themselves to be telling accurate facts.

Second, Eve fails to recognize the trap for her, “Did God actually say.”  The most effective way to recognize a lie is when it contradicts something else we have reason to know is true. (You can also recognize a lie when someone contradicts their own prior statements.) If someone insists that the sky is red and the sun is purple, we have no reason to believe them because it contradicts something we already know to be true.

The Serpent avoids the direct attack by asking a question. This puts the burden on Eve, her memory and the degree to which she believes Adam. God gave the commandment to Adam. Presumably, Adam told the command to Eve. When the Serpent asks his question, he is asking Eve for the grounding of her current knowledge. This causes her to stumble.

Eve repeats the command with what appears to be a slight modification of the rule.

Third, the Serpent moves Eve yet again: His job is to cause her to distrust the existing knowledge. He tells her plainly that God is wrong/or, perhaps you don’t really understand what is going on her.

Fourth, Eve eats and does not die. She has used the wrong basis upon which to evaluate the truth. She used a subjective evaluation (it did not hurt me). Her test was wrong, because the commandment was given to Adam. And, it seems that the one who in particular must eat was Adam. (1) the commandment was given to Adam. (2) Romans 5 makes Christ’s death and resurrection the parallel of Adam’s sin. (3) According to the text, it appears the eating had no effect until Adam ate.

For Eve, the measure of truth was whether God had actually given the commandment. The Serpent shifts the fact over to Eve’s memory and the transmission of the evidence to her (Adam repeating the commandment).  She then shifts the interpretation of the words to a test as to whether she dropped dead instantly or not.

We do something similar in evaluating the truth. We can easily apply the wrong test to determine the truth (how we feel, how the other person appears, et cetera). We can also misinterpret facts when they come to us. She misinterpreted her not dying instantly as meaning that there was no commandment, or that God had misled her. She was wrong which seems to have encouraged Adam to misinterpret the information, leading to sorrow for every human beings since.

A wounded spirit who can bear?

18 Sunday Dec 2022

Posted by in Biblical Counseling, Proverbs

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Proverbs 18:14 (KJV)

14 The spirit of a man will sustain his infirmity; but a wounded spirit who can bear?

Original

14 רֽוּחַ־אִ֭ישׁ יְכַלְכֵּ֣ל מַחֲלֵ֑הוּ וְר֥וּחַ נְ֝כֵאָ֗ה מִ֣י יִשָּׂאֶֽנָּה׃

Ruach of a man. The spirit of a man.

[Distinctions between rûaḥ and nepeš: rûaḥ is the principle of man’s rational and immortal life, and possesses reason, will, and conscience. It imparts the divine image to man, and constitutes the animating dynamic which results in man’s nepeš as the subject of personal life. The distinctive personality of the individual inheres in his nepeš, the seat of his emotions and desires. rûaḥ is life-power, having the ground of its vitality in itself; the nepeš has a more subjective and conditioned life. The NT seems to make a clear and substantive distinction between pneuma (rûaḥ) and psychē (nepeš). G.L.A.]

Payne, J. Barton. “2131 רִיַח.” Theological Wordbook of the Old Testament, edited by R. Laird Harris et al., Electronic ed., Moody Press, 1999, p. 837.

’ish, man can mean a human being or a male as opposed to a female, a husband rather than a wife.

יְכַלְכֵּ֣ל

Contain, sustain, endure. The root idea is to hold, take hold of something. The spirit of a man can endure. Could we say “hold it together”/ “not fall apart”?

מַחֲלֵ֑הוּ

His (the man’s) sickness, infirmity

וְר֥וּחַ נְ֝כֵאָ֗ה

But a spirit broken/cross-references
The HALOT gives all the uses:
נָכֵא: נכא: cs. נְכֵא, fem. נְכֵאָה: defeated, רוּחַ נְכֵאָה Pr 15:13 17:22 18:14 (:: לֵב שָׂמֵחַ); נְכֵה־רוּחַ broken in spirit (Gesenius-K. §128x) Is 66:2, 1QIsa pl. נכאי (כאה, see Kutscher Lang. Is. 200), cj. Ps 109:16 נִכְאֵה לֵבָב rd. נְכֵא/ה var. †

Proverbs 15:13 (KJV)
13 A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance: but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken.
Proverbs 17:22 (KJV)
22 A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.
Isaiah 66:2 (KJV)
2 For all those things hath mine hand made, and all those things have been, saith the LORD: but to this man will I look, even to him that is poor and of a contrite spirit, and trembleth at my word.
Psalm 109:16 (KJV)
16 Because that he remembered not to shew mercy, but persecuted the poor and needy man, that he might even slay the broken in heart.

Interesting thing as a tentative notice: A broken spirit is something which a human being cannot bear. But, it is simultaneously that which renders one to become a object of God’s mercy.

מִ֣י יִשָּׂאֶֽנָּ

Who can bear/carry?

The spirit can bear infirmity.
But an infirm spirit can bear nothing.

Van Gogh Old Man in Sorrow

Some commentators:

The body can, as it were, fall back upon the support of the spirit, when it is distressed and weakened; but when the spirit itself is broken, grieved, wearied, debilitated, it has no resource, no higher faculty to which it can appeal, and it must succumb beneath the pressure. Here is a lesson, too, concerning the treatment of others. We should be more careful not to wound a brother’s spirit than we are to refrain from doing a bodily injury; the latter may be healed by medical applications; the former is more severe in its effects, and is often irremediable.

Spence-Jones, H. D. M., editor. Proverbs. Funk & Wagnalls Company, 1909, p. 350.

Verse 14 points out that one’s attitude, for good or ill, is the single most important factor in confronting adversity.

Garrett, Duane A. Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, Song of Songs. Broadman & Holman Publishers, 1993, p. 165.

  1. STRENGTHEN YOUR SPIRIT (18:14)

That this proverb makes a true observation, few would doubt. “What can you do when the spirit is crushed?” (THE MESSAGE) “Short of outward resources, life is hard; short of inward, it is insupportable.”9 The purpose of 18:14, however, goes beyond mere observation to help the reader avoid a crushed spirit. God has designed the way of wisdom to bypass problems. The more we walk in this path, the less chance of having our spirits crushed. Broken hearts do happen, sometimes by our mistakes and sometimes through no fault of our own. Knowing this, God endowed others with the capacity to bring us joy (see 17:21–22; 12:25).

Lennox, Stephen J. Proverbs: A Bible Commentary in the Wesleyan Tradition. Wesleyan Publishing House, 1998, p. 185.

It is unusual that the word “spirit” appears twice. In v 14a it stands for the strength and determination of a person that can deal with physical sickness. In v 14b it is a “crushed spirit” that is so far depressed and shaken that it simply destroys a person. The phrase “crushed spirit” occurs in 15:13 and 17:22, where the contrast is with a joyful heart. Here the contrast is with the normal drive for life that anyone would usually have in confronting illness or adversity; the situation may be difficult, but one can recover; cf. Prov 12:25. However, the effect of the rhetorical question in line b is to throw doubt on the possibility of recovery, when one’s courage fails.

Murphy, Rowland E. Proverbs. Thomas Nelson, 1998, p. 136.

Wouldst thou have a sound body; then see to it that thou hast a joyful heart and a good courage, a heart which is assured of the grace of God and well content with His fatherly ordaining.—[T. ADAMS (on ver. 14): The pain of the body is but the body of pain; the very soul of sorrow is the sorrow of the soul.—FLAVEL:—No poniards are so mortal as the wounds of conscience.—WATER-LAND:—On the misery of a dejected mind].

Lange, John Peter, et al. A Commentary on the Holy Scriptures: Proverbs. Logos Bible Software, 2008, p. 169.

  1. Bear up patiently (18:14). “The spirit of a person will sustain his infirmity.” Willpower and determination can counterbalance physical weakness and enable a person to win the day. On the other hand, “a broken spirit who can bear?” If the willpower is undermined, a person cannot endure. He must surely succumb and suffer defeat. In the first clause the term “spirit” is masculine, in the second feminine. The change of gender suggests that the manly quality of the inner person has become weakened through affliction. The implication is that believers should be as reticent to wound a brother’s spirit as they would be to injure his body. The latter may be healed by medical treatment; the former is more severe in its effects, and is sometimes irremediable.

Smith, James E. The Wisdom Literature and Psalms. College Press Pub. Co., 1996, p. 596.

A man’s spirit will endure sickness: TEV has interpreted spirit as “[your] will to live” and translates endure sickness as “can sustain you when you are sick.” In some languages if this model is followed, it will be necessary to say something like “desire to go on living” or “desire to stay alive.”
But a broken spirit who can bear?: A broken spirit renders the same Hebrew expression translated by RSV in 17:22 as “a downcast spirit” meaning “discouragement” or “despair.” However, TEV makes spirit refer to the same “will to live” as in the first line: “but if you lose it.…” Bear renders a word meaning to carry a load. In this case the burden is the emotional one of despair. Stated as a question we may ask “Can anyone stand it?” “Who can bear up under it?” or “Who is able to carry on?” Since the question is rhetorical, it may also be put as a statement; for example, “No one can bear it.”

Reyburn, William David, and Euan McG. Fry. A Handbook on Proverbs. United Bible Societies, 2000, p. 389.

Yet there are bounds beyond which a man cannot go, without almost miraculous assistance. The spirit, like the body, may be borne down by a weight beyond its strength: and when the spirit, which ought to support a man under all his other trials, is itself broken, he must fall of course.

Now there are many things which inflict so deep a wound upon the spirit, as to destroy all its energy, and incapacitate it for its proper office: and that we may provide an antidote against them, and afford some consolation under them, we will,

Simeon, Charles. Horae Homileticae: Proverbs to Isaiah XXVI. Holdsworth and Ball, 1833, p. 193.

Simeon lists 4:
Nervous disorders, bodily ailments.
By great and long-continued afflictions
By guilt upon the conscience
By violent temptations/trials
By spiritual desertion

He then lists three remedies:

  1. There is no affliction which is not sent by God for our good—
    [Afflictions, of whatever kind they be, “spring not out of the ground:” they are all appointed by God, in number, weight, and measure, and duration
  2. Our afflictions, of whatever kind they be, will endure but a little time

Simeon, Charles. Horae Homileticae: Proverbs to Isaiah XXVI. Holdsworth and Ball, 1833, p. 196.

  1. There is in Christ a full sufficiency for every wound

The Lord Jesus “will not break a bruised reed, or quench the smoking flax, but will bring forth judgment unto victory;” and, if we confide in him, “our heaviness may indeed continue for a night, but joy shall come in the morning.”]

Simeon, Charles. Horae Homileticae: Proverbs to Isaiah XXVI. Holdsworth and Ball, 1833, p. 197.

Cross References:
See broken spirit HALOT, above.

There are a few ways to take this spirit:

  1. Body vs. soul/spirit. The spirit can hold up a broken body. But a broken spirit leaves no remedy.
  2. As a matter of self-control/self-will/courage. Sort of a stoic, Kipling’s If
    If you can keep your head when all about you
    Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
    If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
  3. As just an observation: If your crushed in spirit, you cannot survive
  4. As pointing to something beyond the immediate verse.

a. First look at the cross-references
b. Second consider the issue of overwhelming grief and trial generally (as Simeon does. He may have gotten here from cross-references, but if so, he doesn’t show his work).
c. What do we find?
i. The unusual phrase broken spirit is used three times in Proverbs as something one cannot bear.
ii. But it is used twice outside of Proverbs as a predicate for the mercy of God. If take the phrase more broadly to include smashed/shattered we get these verse:
Psalm 51:17 (KJV)
17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.
Isaiah 61:1 (KJV)
1 The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me; because the LORD hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound;
Psalm 34:19 (KJV)
19 Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the LORD delivereth him out of them all.
Psalm 147:3 (KJV)
3 He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.
iii. A very clear pattern is seen: There is a brokenness which overcomes a human being, a degree of suffering which shatters one heart/spirit. It cannot be overcome
But, this very same irremediable trouble is something which makes one the peculiar object of God’s mercy and grace.

iv. This when thought of more broadly opens up to those passages
a. Rom. 5:1-5

Romans 5:1–5 (KJV)
1 Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ: 2 By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. 3 And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; 4 And patience, experience; and experience, hope: 5 And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.

b. James 1:2-3
James 1:2–3 (KJV)
2 My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; 3 Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.

Conclusion: We could look at weakness as something to avoid at all costs. Our weakness is something we cannot bear. We then look at God’s help as something which rescues us and puts back on our own feet. But that is not what the texts when taken together tell us. If gaining God is a good which we should seek, then weakness is not an evil but a good for us. We glory in our weakness because our weakness makes us dependent upon God.

Another conclusion: When come to speak with, to counsel and encourage another who is broken in spirit, we should realize they actually cannot bear the trouble they face. They are weak, and that is not bad. An attitude of, “Why don’t you trust Jesus, buck-up” is cruel and harmful. If we are coming in the Spirit of Christ, we should come with the attitude, that you cannot bear this burden and you should not expect that you can. While this is exceptionally painful, it is not bad. This is for your good. God uses this to conform you to the image of the Son:

Romans 8:28–30 (KJV)
28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
29 For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren. 30 Moreover whom he did predestinate, them he also called: and whom he called, them he also justified: and whom he justified, them he also glorified.

There is no other way to this end without the benefit of being crushed so that what we now have will give way to what He will give.

George Muller: Five Principles For Prayer

13 Tuesday Dec 2022

Posted by in George Muller, Ministry, Prayer

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“Five grand conditions of prevailing prayer were ever before his mind:

1. Entire dependence upon the merits and mediation of the Lord Jesus Christ, as the only ground of any claim for blessing. (See John xiv. 13, 14; xv. 16, etc.)

2. Separation from all known sin. If we regard iniquity in our hearts, the Lord will not hear us, for it would be sanctioning sin. (Psalm lxvi. 18.)

3. Faith in God’s word of promise as confirmed by His oath. Not to believe Him is to make Him both a liar and a perjurer. (Hebrews xi. 6; vi. 13-20.)

4. Asking in accordance with His will. Our motives must be godly : we must not seek any gift of God to consume it upon our own lusts. (1 John v. 13; James iv. 3.)

5. Importunity in supplication. There must be waiting on God and waiting for God, as the husbandman has long patience to wait for the harvest. (James v. 7; Luke xviii. 1-10.)”

Arthur Tappan Pierson. George Müller of Bristol, Chapter XII, “New Lessons in God’s School of Prayer”

Polycarp on the Qualities of a Pastor

01 Thursday Dec 2022

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In continuing through the source documents for Classic Pastoral Care, we come to Polycarp’s Epistle to the Philippians. There are two chapters in that letter which are relevant to the question of character in a pastor. First, chapter VI directly addresses pastoral character. In Lake’ translation with have the word “presbyter”. He begins:

“AND let the presbyters also be compassionate, merciful to all, bringing back those that have wandered.” Those who “wander” would be those who have fallen into sin. In reading Bully Pulpit by Michael Kruger, I was struck by his observation that a pastor is to be gentle, which he followed with, when is that ever listed in the job qualifications for a pastor as written by a church? Polycarp begins his discussion of the pastoral office with compassion and mercy. How often have we seen pastors praised for “vision”  and “leadership”? How often have we seen books on pastoral leadership? And often on pastoral gentleness, compassion, or mercy?

He then continues with a series of qualities which sound more like “social work” than modern pastoring. In the conservative arm of the church, from which I hail, the pastor might consider his work to be preaching with such acts of service a far second. I think that is wrong. Not because I think preaching unimportant, but rather that preaching should flow out of an intimate knowledge of the Bible and an intimate knowledge of the congregation. After all, one preaches to these particular people. If preaching were merely delivering a public lecture, most pulpits would be better served by reading Spurgeon out loud. But if preaching is also something intimate and loving, it must flow out of intimacy and knowledgeable love:

caring for all the weak, neglecting neither widow, nor orphan nor poor, but “ever providing for that which is good before God and man,”

Here then are some additional concerns: “refraining from all wrath, respect of persons, unjust judgment, being far from all love of money, not quickly believing evil of any, not hasty in judgment, knowing that “we all owe the debt of sin.”” These commands are particularly critical for the pastoral work of counseling.

It is far too easy to favor one person, to overlook another, to make conclusive judgments based upon poor understanding.

If the congregation is to be marked by love (and we must love one another), forgiveness will need to be basic element of church life. We will fail one-another, and thus we must forgive one another readily. That will be most likely to be achieved if the congregation is lead by one who is marked by forgiveness:

 “If then we pray the Lord to forgive us, we also ought to forgive, for we stand before the eyes of the Lord and of God, and ‘we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, and each must give an account of himself.’”

In all of this, we are to serve the Lord. Notice that our zealous service of the Lord shows itself in our compassion, mercy, forgiveness.

“So then ‘let us serve him with fear and all reverence,’ as he himself commanded us, and as did the Apostles, who brought us the Gospel, and the Prophets who foretold the coming of our Lord. Let us be zealous for good, refraining from offence.”

But such goodness is not open ended and foolish: it is capable a judgment which distinguishes those who belong to the Lord, “Let us … refrain …from the false brethren, and from those who bear the name of the Lord in hypocrisy, who deceive empty-minded men.”

The congregation is then to be marked by love, faith, doing good, “STAND fast therefore in these things and follow the example of the Lord, “firm and unchangeable in faith, loving the brotherhood, affectionate to one another,” joined together in the truth, forestalling one another in the gentleness of the Lord, despising no man. When you can do good defer it not.”

Notice that such kindness and love is to begin with the leadership and then to be found in the congregation.

Gregory the Great, The Book of Pastoral Care 1.1

30 Sunday Oct 2022

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I remember reading years a quote (and I cannot remember the source), someone making the observation that we care more for the training of plumbers than pastors, because we do not think a pastor can hurt us. That quotes comes to mind, when reading this introduction to Gregory the Great’s Book on Pastoral Care:

No one presumes to teach an art till he has first, with intent meditation, learned it. What rashness is it, then, for the unskilful to assume pastoral authority, since the government of souls is the art of arts! For who can be ignorant that the sores of the thoughts of men are more occult than the sores of the bowels? And yet how often do men who have no knowledge whatever of spiritual precepts fearlessly profess themselves physicians of the heart, though those who are ignorant of the effect of drugs blush to appear as physicians of the flesh!

That phrase “physicians of the heart” raises a point. I wonder how rarely that particular aspect of pastoral care is thought of when it comes to pastoral work. On one hand, there are those who delegate this duty to academic psychology, which at best will have a truncated understanding of a human being (how does one “scientifically” apprise the spiritual state and the eternal nature of a human being?). On the other are those who seem to think the heart can be cured by laying propositions upon one as if bare ignorance of a proposition were the whole of human trouble.

After rehearsing the requirement that pastors must have requisite skill and knowledge to their work, he then states that ignorance will not act as a defense:

Yet this unskilfulness of the shepherds doubtless suits often the deserts of those who are subject to them, because, though it is their own fault that they have not the light of knowledge, yet it is in the dealing of strict judgment that through their ignorance those also who follow them should stumble. Hence it is that, in the Gospel, the Truth in person says, If the blind lead the blind, both fall into the ditch Matthew 15:14. Hence the Psalmist (not expressing his own desire, but in his ministry as a prophet) denounces such, when he says, Let their eyes be blinded that they see not, and ever bow down their back Psalm 68:24. For, indeed, those persons are eyes who, placed in the very face of the highest dignity, have undertaken the office of spying out the road; while those who are attached to them and follow them are denominated backs. And so, when the eyes are blinded, the back is bent, because, when those who go before lose the light of knowledge, those who follow are bowed down to carry the burden of their sins.

Book I, chapter 1.

A tentative consideration of repentance and abuse

23 Sunday Oct 2022

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I present this with great trepidation. The issues involved are complex and sensitive. My thoughts here are tentative, and will without question involve further development. Yet, I present them for two reasons. One, writing helps me clarify my thoughts. Two, perhaps someone will be able to offer critique and nuance which I have missed.

The repentant abuser presents a very difficult problem for the counselor. [We will stipulate that the fact of the sinful conduct is unquestioned and concerns a significant mistreatment. This is not a questionable case.] Like the trolley problem, one is faced with seemingly irreconcilable choices.

On one side there are the commands respecting love, forgiveness, and the continuation of marriage. We are to love even our enemies (Matt. 5:43), that we forgive lavishly (Matt. 8:21-22), and that we forgive others as Christ forgave us. (Eph. 4:32)

In some situations, the cost of forgiveness will be some-thing which is of spiritual benefit. Learning to forgive and love is critical to our spiritual maturity. Sometimes the cost of forgiveness will be a loss of pride, or giving up my “right” to revenge. Sometimes the cost will be trusting God to make the necessary judgments and mete out the proper response.

Loss of material goods may be more difficult but may be necessary. We must have a willingness to perhaps be defrauded to protect the reputation and unity of the church. (1 Cor. 6:7)

But in matters of “abuse” the troubles involved become more complex. First is the nature of the injury: there is a loss to the body and the mind. It can be far easier to recover from a financial loss than a loss of trust between spouses, or between parent and child. Second, there is the question of restoration which is more urgent the closer the relationship between the two. A financial transaction may entail a relationship with two people only slightly related. But the betrayal of a friend, or a harm within a family forces the question of reconciliation and restoration.

Third, the decision of one person can affect the good of another. A parent who “forgives” a spouse may endanger the children.

At this point, we must consider the significant biblical demands of persistence of the marriage and the abhorrence of divorce. We cannot take lightly the importance of maintaining the relationships between parents and children. In fact, we cannot ever completely eviscerate the fact of parent child relationship because parent and child are defined by the fact of the other and the fact of the relationship. I cannot not be the son of my father.

So, when we consider the potential of abuse within the scope of the family, the complications are at their height. Familial relationship are both more intimate and more persistent than other relationships. Forgiveness among relative strangers is easier to negotiate, because the restoration requires little. Forgiveness and restoration within a family, cannot be collapsed into the model of a personal slight among relative strangers within a congregation.

However, there are countervailing demands. First, there are commands to protect the weak. The counselor is in a position where such requirements are required. Second, we must recognize that for the abuser, the day-to-day life in the relationship as parent or child actually constitutes a temptation to sin. The duty to avoid occasions for sin applies here. To put the abuser into the relationship is thus a danger to the abuser and those who have been abused.

When confronted with the apparent repentance of an abusive spouse/parent, how do we weigh the seemingly contradictory considerations.

Too often, counselors resolve the conflict by simply favoring one command over another. The marriage must be maintained. The weak must be protected.  When the counselor takes one set of considerations over the other, the counselor has become a participant in sin.

The resolution of this seeming quandary is not to ignore some biblical injunction in favor of another but rather to understand more fully the importance and nature of repentance.

While repentance entails at the very least a show of remorse and a request for forgiveness, it is also true that talk can be cheap. False repentance, cheap grace, and easy believism are condemned from the pulpit, but too often accepted in the counseling room. This is especially to be weighed when we know from experience that abusive parents and spouses often present elegant apologies replete with biblical injunctions.  Abusers are often charismatic and charming. Those injured are often frantic, fearful, angry, distrustful.

A better understanding of true repentance in practice, a knowledge of those fruits of repentance, would help greatly here. A truly repentant spouse/parent would be deeply considerate of the fear and distrust of those who were hurt. Rather than rushing to be back in the house, the truly repentant spouse would be cautious and wanting to make the spouse or child felt safe and loved.

The thief in Mosaic law was required to include tangible restoration as part of his repentance. But when it comes to the injury wrought by one who has misused the trust and dependence of a family to cause injury, it has been too common to settle merely for words without tangible repentance.

I do not presume to have a sure-fire litmus test for judging repentance in such situations. But what I have seen as a too common carelessness in judging repentance.

I conclude with the hesitation I raised at the first. This is not a final or definitive statement, but rather a preliminary and cautious ask for comment.

Why we should not integrate therapies.

21 Friday Oct 2022

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The manner in which Biblical Counseling as a discipline should interact with the discipline of “psychology”  is a matter of great interest to me. I use quotation marks because the word refers to a bewildering number of concepts and theories, all of which more-or-less concern what a human being is, how a human being knows, how human beings change, and what end they should change toward. Psychology is a science at times, a religion at times, a moral theory in other places.

In a series of articles being published in the Journal of Biblical Soul Care, I have been offering my thoughts on how we Biblical Counseling should interact with psychology. (The series begins here.) I do not think it best to either appropriate whatever “works”, nor to simply ignore it. In fact, I do not think it possible to ignore it altogether. Therefore, we have to learn how to handle this most pressing understanding of our day. In general, I think we should examine psychology with all the care one would use to pick up a porcupine.

That project will take years to complete. In the interim, I would like to offer this caution: it is one thing to read a study which reports on the stress effects of long-distance driving on truckers. It is another thing to import a therapy because it “work”. I would like to offer some cautions on why we should not simply use a therapeutic technique in BC.

Point One: It exceeds our job description. Biblical counseling is direction in Christian discipleship. We help people put Christian theology into practice. There are any number of things, good and bad, which lie beyond the scope of our work. If you are an accountant and you are acting as a counselor, be a counselor. Even the good work of offering tax advice is something other than biblical counseling. Stick to your job description. The box boy might help me to my car, but it’s not his job to rotate the tires.

Point Two: You need a license to conduct therapy. Psychotherapists constitute a licensed profession in the United States. They are governed by very specific standards and must pass certain requirements in each state. If you engage in therapy and you do not have a license, you are violating the law. The laws may be ill-informed and not in the public good, but they are the laws. A Biblical counselor does not need to be licensed, because we do not engage in therapy. We train in the Christian religion.

Point Three: Not all help is help. A common argument is that we are called to “help hurting people.”  Some therapy is said to help people. Therefore, we should use that therapy. The trouble here is with the word “help.” Therapy is an amoral procedure whose primary end is for the client/patient to feel better. If one feels happy, calm, well suited to one’s situation, everything is fine.

We do believe that as a general matter, living in accord with Biblical principles will result in a better, more satisfying life. But as we look through the text of Scripture, we see instances where living as God calls us will result in our happiness. Does the unremitting pain of the psalmist in Psalm 88 need therapy? Jesus’ agony in the Garden and then the escalating pain and sorrow of the Cross show that God may call his most highly esteemed servants to suffer tremendous sorrow.

Sometimes sorrow and pain is good because it leads us to repentance. Psalm 32 describes the pain felt by one who is living with unrepentant sin. The pain of the unrepentance was meant to drive David to repent. Should David have merely learned some breathing techniques and used valium?

This is not an exhaustive example of when sorrow or pain are not be avoided.  But it is sufficient to prove that not all pain is something which should simply stop, and it is not always “help” to help someone avoid sorrow or pain.

Point Four: a therapy is the rite of a foreign religion. All forms of beliefs and actions will have effect of changing people.  Even ineffective therapy will change a person, however slight the change. When you use a therapy, you instructing in hope (this will help you feel better). You giving instruction in what a human being really is, what is the point of a human being, and who how human beings change.

A therapy is not some neutral procedure which has the moral content of a hydrogen bond in a chemistry experiment. A therapy comes out of a complex understanding of a human being and seeks to change a human being in the direction of and consistent with that understanding. When you import a therapy, you are importing rituals of a different religion.

This last point may be the most difficult to understand, and it could bear more explanation. Perhaps in another place I will draw that assertion out in greater detail. 

Slander

28 Wednesday Sep 2022

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I am working on something new about Slander. Here is a draft of a chapter:

1

The Fact of Slander

            Did God actually say?

            -The Serpent

            The first recorded words of any creature are found in Genesis 3:1, “Did God actually say ….” And so, the like the trouble at the beginning of a movie, the plot of history was set into motion. 

            All our history begins with slander. It’s right there in the Book. And so, it is strange that we fail to understand its danger. It comes so easily to us, that often it seems invisible. Therefore, our first task will be dig it up and drag this slimy beast into the light and look upon its glistening, hideous form.

            God create the earth, the sun and moon, the stars also. God created a universe of unimaginable beauty which stretches out in space and time beyond all comprehension. We assign numbers to the years and the numbers to the distance which those with knowledge have sought to calculate, but those number cannot mean anything real to us. We can understand a mile, a year. But who knows what it means to say millions of miles, which can get us to the Sun. But what if you merely wished to go to the nearest star beyond the sun Alpha Centuri, which (I am reliably informed) lies 4.37 light years away. A light year being 5.88 trillion miles. Do the math, it’s a big number. But it means nothing real. What is a trillion in reality? There are more than 3,000,000 seconds in a year. A billion is a thousand million. So, it would take nearly 32 years to reach a billion seconds. A trillion is a thousand billions.

            The universe is unimaginably large. And everywhere we look, it is drawn with colors and shapes which make the most ragged galaxy torn to shreds by an unseen vortex of gravity a sight of beauty.

            Yet, we do not live among the stars. We live on earth. And earth once was a place unimaginable perfection. God planted a garden, the Garden. Water flowed always into this place, drawing from the fount of Eden itself. The Garden must have been a profusion of beauty and well of delight. The ground which now grows rank with thorns then blossomed with fruit.

            Look where you will and there was life and hope and peace and joy.

            And we were not alone. Our parents lived with that perfect person we flatter ourselves to be, to deserve. There they stood, the image of the very God who laid out the stars in their course, shining with the glory of that God.  There were our parents in a world which displayed in every place the glory of God without hint of sin or judgment.

            Yet, that world for all its beauty is not ours today. We no longer live in that Garden, even though the recollection of that Garden continues to haunt our world. The memory is there, in dust, persisting. Even Death Valley, that blistering gouge which runs through the desert beneath the mountains and on the edge of the Great Basin, even that land of rock and merciless sun contains a memory of Eden. When the rain comes after a decade of absence, the valley floods with flowers, yellow and white and purple and red raised upon green stalks pushing through the sand and rock, making a stand for a few, too few days.

            But death returns, the flowers wilt in the sun, the stalks crumble, and again there are miles upon miles of crushed rock in every direction.

            We are no longer there. But the memory of that world persists in our imagination just as it does in the ground. Why else do we long for a world we have never seen? We are we shocked when we hear of death, when what is more certain than death? Why are we stumbled to learn that the entire universe is becoming unwound, when all that we know from experience is that all vain, all is futile, all is always coming undone.

            Why do we look for love in a world which turns most easily to hate? Why do we wish so badly to be remembered, when we ourselves forget a friend who has merely moved to another city? Why do we look for friendship on a world where even Jesus was betrayed?

            Why did God put eternity in our hearts? Eccl. 3:11.

            How did we suffer such loss? To fall from the universe being our dominion, to creatures who are felled by a virus we cannot see? A scratch can kill us with infection. A fall can break our bones. How did creatures made to display the image of God turn so quickly to image our bitter, selfish fears and lusts?

            What did we do to suffer such loss. What crime could upend the very creation? What act, what words could institute a reign of confusion, a world so upside down that even the “just and righteous” Job would complain

            The arrows of the Almighty are in me

            My spirit drinks their poison

            The terrors of God are arrayed against me.

Job 6:4.

            Adam you will say, and so we lay blame. But Adam had already sought to foist his guilt onto our mother Eve. And Eve in turn pointed to the Serpent. What then did this Serpent do?  Surely, he performed some extraordinary action.

            He talked.

            The only thing the Serpent did was talked.

            Something in those words packed enough power to upend the order of creation. Something in those were the lever which moved the seemingly unmovable good and happiness of the Garden. Think of this: the sorrow of all history began here. When we stand near a bed and hear the wheezing gaping for air of someone we love not gaining another breath, that sorrow began here.

            Why? How did this set all our sorrow into motion? Why does the wicked live a life of ease and the child who does not good or bad dies in the arms of his mother?

            The Serpent spoke.

            Parade every evil, every loss, ever tear, every sleepless night of anxious watch, every horror, every soul crushing depression, every prisoner, every betrayal, every crime, every every every grief.

            At end of King Lear, the foolish king has come to see that he understood the world all wrong; that he had believed the lies told by his daughters and had believed a lie about his sweet Cordelia, when he holds his daughter who has died because he believed a lie, he says

                                    No, no, no life?
Why should a dog, a horse, a rat have life,
And thou no breath at all? Thou ’lt come no more,
Never, never, never, never, never.—

There is a lie in the heart of sorrow. There is a seed which grew into the hideous beast of human suffering. Ask the slave from where comes his sorrow. Ask the kidnap victim from where comes her fear. Ask the child who father lies dead in the rubble of battle, a bullet in his head, where comes your life without his care?

            What we always hope to do is to turn our face from looking at these things. But for now, grab ahold of your own sorrows, your own fears, and ask firmly, where did all these monsters come from? What pit spewed this rancid mess upon life?

            And then ask why do I still sometimes hear the murmuring song of Eden? How can life be such a mix of sorrow and hope? If Eden is true then whence comes this pain? Here is the event”

3 Now the serpent was more crafty than any other beast of the field that the Lord God had made.

He said to the woman, “Did God actually say, ‘You shall not eat of any tree in the garden’?” 2 And the woman said to the serpent, “We may eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden, 3 but God said, ‘You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the midst of the garden, neither shall you touch it, lest you die.’ ” 4 But the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. 5 For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” 6 So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate. 7 Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths.

Genesis 3:1–7. What in this story starts the ball rolling downhill? Slander. The first recorded words of any creature a simple slander,

Did God actually say

We will get to his slander of God, but the Serpent begins with the slander of Adam. Slander is a simple shiv that goes between the ribs of friendship and separates the bonds of love.

            God had told Adam, before Eve had been given to the world, that one tree was to be God’s alone and that Adam was not to eat from it. Adam must have told Eve out of his love for her and his obedience to God. She knows the command and repeats it to the Serpent.

            And so the Serpent’s first words are, Look at that man, Adam. Is he telling you the truth? Did God really tell him about this tree? Can you really trust him? He lied to you. Eve puts a protest, but it is too late. She has listened.

            Slander is a vicious thing. Should it enter the ear, it will slide into the heart. You cannot stop it. Like a malignant parasite it will fasten on your thoughts and suck dry the lifeblood of your home. It will burrow into the recesses of your mind, it grotesque claws, and blind eyes will see a way to unnerve your friendships.

            It is a thief so subtle that it will steal the treasures of a lifetime, and you will fill the thief’s sack and his slobbering jaws beg for more. Mesmerized you will say to him, “Take my wife, my child, my husband, my cousin, my father, my mother, my friend, my job, my trust, my hope,  take all of my love and all that I have spent my life building, take them all for you know best.” We will exchange the truth for a lie, we will empty our soul of all friends to satisfy a slander.

            Oh, and slander is a clever devil. It begins here, wearing the badge of simple desire for truth. The Devil did not begin, God lied. The Devil began, Did God really say? Did Adam really get this straight? The con does not begin with send me all your money. The con always begins with trust me.

            The door having been cracked on, slander marches on. Eve repeats to the Serpent the command she heard, but it is changed. The command was not eat, but she adds, “nor touch.” Perhaps that simple addition was not Eve thinking hard thoughts of God, but it does signal a shift.  A brick has been displaced even if the tower has not yet fallen.

            But there is something even worse which has taken place: Eve listened. Eve is considering the words of the Serpent.

            Had Eve stuffed her ears and rejected the Serpent she would have been safe. Like Joseph, she should have darted from temptations presence. But she did not. And when temptation makes its way past the door, the damage is underway:

12 Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. 13 Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. 14 But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. 15 Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.

James 1:12–15. When slander slides into the heart it sets up its desire, and that desire now leads you along.

            Think of it: You have heard a rumor, you have been asked a question, you begin to distrust. How that distrust eats at you. The poison of those first words will rot out friendships, ruin marriages, destroy homes.

            The poison of the Serpent’s first words have destroyed our world.

            The Serpent moves from the subtly of questioning to the outright slander of lies:

            You will not surely die.

You think you can hear the slander and digest the slander and live out the slander and you will be unhurt. Slander certainly cannot hurt you, by just hearing. Jesus draws a bright line from the Devils lies to the murder of humanity:

You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies.

John 8:44. To be a liar and to be a murderer: there is slander. It is the murder of another. It is nothing less.

            The Serpent says you will not die. And so the Devil murders Eve. And Eve and then Adam turn the knife upon themselves and murder themselves and cast themselves away from their dearest friend and benefactor, the God who made them.

            You have lost a friend. You know those who have lost friends. You have believed untruths about others. You have spoken untruths about others. You have not been careful with the reputation of others, when you listened to something spoken from cruelty (even when spoken to be just or right or helpful or whatever other miserable excuse you concoct). When you listened, you had blood on your hands. When you spoke, you had innocent blood on your hands.

            When Adam took from Eve and ate, he believed the slander of God and killed himself.  This archetypal sin is etched into our hearts always too quick to bend to sin.